Excerpted from Book 18 of De Civitæ Obamæ. With apologies to John Adams and Saint Augustine.
During the reign of King George III, who prophetically prefigured George Bush, there lived certain great men to whom we have now come to refer as the Founding Fathers. The meaning of their copious and sublime writings were at that time hidden and obscure, but has become in these latter days perfectly clear to those who should approach the question without guile. Should I expound the meaning of all of their writings, the scope of this work should exceed all bounds. But with the help of John Adams, it having recently become clear that the reigns of previous presidents are fulfilled in Obama, I shall endeavor to refer to his reign such passages of the Declaration of Independence as are sufficiently clear to make reply to those who would cavil against us, and to satisfy those piously ignorant.
The text begins, “When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with one another.” Who does not see that this can only refer to the divisive politics of the Republican Party under George Bush’s rule? It continues: “And to assume among other powers of the earth.” This refers to the expansion of executive power under President Obama, made necessary by the profligacy of his predecessor. “The separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them.” Though the foolish Republicans, darkened in their understanding, refer this text to their doctrine of natural law, its true meaning is evident enough, that Americans should be entitled not only to a job at a decent living wage, but also to over a year of unemployment benefits. Its first sentence concludes, “A decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to separation.” This clearly foreshadows the removal of the kingdom from Republicans in accordance with decent respect for mankind, which has been fulfilled in our seeing.
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.” This refers to the resurgence of the conviction, through various protests, that income inequality is a malign force. “That they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights.” Scarcely a man would now deny that the individual is created in a social context, giving him therefore an unalienable claim on society – to wit, life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, which foreshadow the numerous benefits now derived from our federal government. “That to secure these rights, governments are instituted among men, deriving their just powers from the consent of the governed.” What is this, but the victory of Obama contrasted with the illegitimate reign of George Bush, who with the aid of malign justices, wrested the presidency from his opponent, having indeed won the electoral college, but lost the popular vote? “That whenever any form of government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the right of the people to alter or abolish it, and to institute new government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such a form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their safety and happiness.” This refers to the sovereignty of the people as expressed through their representatives. Who therefore does not see the malignity of a Supreme Court which shall contravene this sovereignty? “Prudence, indeed, will dictate that governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes.” What is this, but a prediction of the continuance of the Obama administration until such time as his term limits expire or are overturned?
What follows is a list of grievances against King George III, which may suitably be referred to George Bush. The meaning of some of these is obscure, but I should not quarrel if it be admitted that even half are clear enough as to require no exposition.